A Monster from My Past

Times have changed and modern conveniences, or necessities depending on how you look at them, are an integral part of most of our lives.  I’m not an anti-progress person because I value old architecture and love to look at it, nor am I a Future Only person because I utilize the components that are available to me and I have come to expect continued advancements in those areas. I consider myself more of a Here & Now person. I live today as it is given with what is available to me while invoking lesson from the past to create a better future.


As I got up and got rolling yesterday I got online to check email, blog and Facebook. Upon doing so I was taken back several years to a different phase of my life when I viewed a ‘Friend Request’ on Facebook. The person who sent the request is neither someone I thought I would ever hear from after our lives went in completely different directions nor someone that entered my mind anymore.


As I looked at the request my mind floated back to the time when our lives intersected in very volatile ways. We did not start out hating and hurting each other but that’s how we separated, leaving each other in a pool of hateful venom fringed with pain.


For years the sound of that person’s name would cause fear and hatred to rise inside of me but now as I ponder my memories of that person I feel nothing. I still carry deep emotional scars that were inflicted by words of hatred that person spewed on me and the self esteem issues that were created by those words but that hatred and those issues no longer affect my life or how I treat others. I have evolved. I decided it would be best if I slept on the subject of accepting or declining the request.


As I awoke this morning I pondered the situation and decided it would be best for me and my loved ones to leave that monster from my past alone. The Monster that I refer to is the whole kit-n-caboodle that comes with the memories of my connection with that person.


I may be fine at this point in time but I really have no desire to deal with those horribly hateful feelings that used to be attached to those memories. I am emotionally stronger than I used to be and more sensitive. I am wiser yet naïve. My better judgment tells me that I am not ready to go down a path that would re-connect me to that person. If that person has grown and matured, wonderful! I wish that person well, but I don’t have to be connected to that person in order to wish him/her a happy life.


So, I embark on another day of my life hoping to live well and leave no victims in my wake.


About mikkiroderick

With age comes wisdom. With wisdom comes maturity. Maturity is not synonymous with growing up. I'm still a child at heart.
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5 Responses to A Monster from My Past

  1. Kathy F. says:

    Facebook has a way of attracting all types back to us, and all the memories we’d rather not be reminded of. Been in the same spot and couldn’t have put it words as well as you just did. thanks!


  2. Mary Demoret says:

    You did the right thing this time. It is better to let old dead dogs sleeping!!!!! Look to the present and the future………..thanks Mikki.


  3. Margaret L. says:

    These are curious situations that FaceBook brings about… a resurrected condition of unfinished mis-communications and un-digested experiences. I call it “emotional indigestion.”

    I agree with your wise action to pause before making a decision. And also to decline the “friend” request because the relationship wasn’t about true friendship — if it ended with such friction. However, it is still a call for action and a reminder of an unresolved (unhealthy) condition for body, mind, and spirit.

    I encourage you to resolve/reframe this relationship in some soul-satisfying manner for yourself. Create a ritual, use your imagination, release and heal. Bless this person and send them on their way. Then bless your Self. Though your sojourn together in this material world was not as you may have desired, action taken at the mental/emotional levels, is still action. It has an effect and intention. You are children of the same God; you both earn the grace of your efforts. xoML


  4. Amazing insight, MHL. Thank you for sharing!


  5. Kathy F. says:

    AHA moment! Very nicely said and I would get the drift.


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